2005-02-14 - 9:48 a.m.
I wrote a letter to a friend today. These are my favorite parts:
Unlike the relationship with your partner, there is NO BALANCE in a relationship with a child. The scales WILL tip in the child’s favor every time, without fail, and this is a predestined part of the plan. If at any time you attempt to tip the scales back into your favor, you will have made a grave error and have damaged the child in some (possibly large) way. This will be your burden to bear for the rest of your life, because children are FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Remember having independence? Remember having time for yourself and your partner? Remember going to the bathroom in peace, or going to the bathroom at all? Remember having time to stop and breath for a moment? THESE ARE ALL GONE. Children will take from you until every reserve is depleted and then…they will not stop. They will eat you alive, regurgitate you and eat you again. Children will poop and pee and puke all over you. They will demand every ounce of your attention and complain when they get it. They will use you with out thanks and discard you at a moment's notice without thought. They are self-centered, egotistical, and careless.
Are you afraid? I hope so. I hope you are deathly afraid, because you need to be.
************
You made it through that step? You’re doing well and I’m proud of you. Now, prepare to have your heart broken, because a mere look from your baby will do just that. Your baby will fill you with joy you have never known. Her smile will light up your universe and make your year. Her touch will give you pleasant-chills to the core of your being. The smell of your baby, the feel of her skin, the taste of her on your lips when you kiss her…you cannot now imagine or understand and will scarcely be able to explain what you will experience. The love that you’ll get and the love that you’ll feel…understand…there is NO LOVE LIKE IT ANYWHERE IN ALL OF FUCKING EXISTANCE!!! I wish I could scream this to you so you could feel the force of it. I don’t care what you think you may have experienced in life…THERE IS NO LOVE LIKE IT. Are you prepared to love like that? Are you prepared to give love like that? Are you prepared to surrender all of yourself for the REST OF YOUR LIFE like that?
Yes?
Then it’s worth it...
****************
I can’t truly tell you if I made the right choices – my humanity keeps me from doing so accurately. But I think I have. There are dreams that I want to chase so badly that I ache for them, but always I come back to…to my home. Always I come back to my family and I know who I am and where I am. This was my choice and it was a long road getting here and the road is still long ahead of me, but I do not walk it alone. I walk my road hand-in-hand, heart-in-heart with the loves of my life – my wife and my children. And I walk with my friends too and try to hold their hand or put my arm around them and love them as family.
**************
Life is bitter...with a gooey sweet center, is it not?
