2005-05-02 - 7:00 a.m.
Allow me to heap atop the titles I have for myself, one more...pompous.
Maybe that's not the right word - maybe meddlesome is better? What do you call someone who feels the need to drop their advice on others, even if it's not asked for? I can't think of a word this morning. It's Monday for craps sake…cut me some slack.
But can I blame myself? I'm almost 40, I'm a dad, a male, and I was (essentially) a guidance councilor for the better part of my life, as an Air Force Non-Commissioned Officer; all this adds up to "a-guy-who-gives-unwarranted-advice."
I'm reading someone else’s diary; an activity that we all partake in (obviously - dork). Pardon me while I self depreciate this morning - I apparently need it.
I'm a masochist.
Anyway, the writer mentioned that she should have the word "lost" inscribed upon her forehead. It's funny that I feel a connection with someone who I have never met and am probably polar opposite of...this is what I like about life.
I want to tell her that we are all lost. We are born lost, to people who are lost, in a world that is lost. No one person can say with perfect certainty that they know where they are going or where they will end up, because it's impossible to do so and this is the nature of life.
Some people seem more put together than others; they seem as if they have it all figured out and know exactly where they're going. These people have figured something out that many of us have not - you must make your own way.
Many people stumble through life hoping that it will eventually reveal the truth of where they should be going; life speaks from the inside. (By the way...looking for happiness from out-side ones self works the same way...it comes from within, not from without.)
There is no set path, there are no waypoints - life just is. It is the great "IS" and we all are a part of it.
We must choose our own path - make our own way. I have found that the best way to achieve happiness in life, and trust me, I have worked HARD at figuring it out, is to set goals. It sounds simplistic and kind of hokey, I know, but it works.
I know where I want to be at the end of my life - I have a picture of it in my head. As the days pass, I set little goals to lead to that end and try to achieve them. As each little goal is achieved, I feel myself drawing ever closer to that end.
Happiness is my gauge. If I feel (generally) happy about my life and where I'm headed, and I'm not hurting anyone else, then I'm on track. Sometimes the little goals change, though the end stays the same. How I might get there may differ tomorrow from how I plan to today, but I keep the end goal in mind always; that's my guiding star.
If I'm generally un-happy - then I know that my goals need to be re-evaluated.
It's hard to find an end-state, especially when you're young and unsure of where you want to end up. A way to combat this is to try new things - find out what you like. There are some guidelines, of course; don't hurt others or be self-destructive. As you try things, write down your experiences; write down emerging goals and ideas for an end state and eventually your path will emerge from the darkness of your soul.
All that being said, bear this in mind:
Life reserves the right to flip over at any moment.
We all know this; life is unpredictable. Just when you think things are going your way and you've got it all down...WHAM! Life pulls the rug out.
The key is remembering that this is the case. Semper Gumby, as they say in the military: remain flexible. You're end goal shouldn't be too specific, nor should all of your in between goals. Build some flexibility into your plan and realize that life can take a turn now and again. Likewise, be prepared for good changes too.
Oh my god...I could go on and on when I really just need to shut the hell up. I guess I'm writing this here, because I need to say it and if you bother to read it...then it's your own damn fault for boring the hell out of yourself and wasting your time on my blatherings.
Then again...if you want more punishment...
