2005-05-13 - 9:40 a.m.
Today is our fifth wedding anniversary and I can't say that I'm surprised.
It seems kind of sad that there's no surprise - that today was so predictable. It seems a bit passionless, but when I think about it I'm glad.
Honestly, I don't think our 60th anniversary will be much of a surprise either. This goes to show the level of confidence I have developed in our relationship - it was that way from day one. I knew if I got to be with the girl that would later become my wife, that I would never worry about where we were headed or what would happen along the way.
Again, predictable.
But is that really all bad? Sure, I could be setting myself up for heartbreak down the road, but I don't think so, because...you see...I believe in her with all my heart. I have invested myself in her completely.
So while the day arrives with complete expectance and total lack of surprise, it arrives also with a powerful undertone of burning passion, fueled by trust and reckless abandon.
I am running, headlong into the wilderness of life with complete disregard for myself, because I have with me a companion that I believe in and trust with all my heart. I am founded in the idea that our bond is like a titanic block of stone upon which I can stand, unwavering, and it will never break.
If, through some fluke, I was to have my heart broken and the foundation of my life crumbled beneath me...I would go down with a battle cry, like a shout of victory, because it would have all been worth it. I would lay in the wreckage of my body, the ruin of my life, the devastation of my soul and smile at the idea that I had experienced what so many wish they had. I would die in peace and rest well knowing that I had been to heaven already.
That's how I love her - without regard for myself.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is unconditional love if you've often wondered at the definition. I can speak with full confidence, even pompous arrogance, because I know that I love this way. I can speak without fear of being uncovered as a fraud, because I didn't choose to love this way - it just happened.
You can't argue with the universe, it just is.
I hope she knows. I hope she sees the truth of it, even if she can't comprehend the why, because the why isn't important. But then...sometimes I don't even really recognize it...
Happy anniversary, love.
