2005-08-12 - 5:51 a.m.
I've been reading back over my past entries again - what a whiner.
I noticed that the majority of my time spent in D-Land is dedicated to whining and complaining, which makes complete sense to me, because it's something that I don't do out loud. In short, this journal is serving it's purpose - it has become the place that I say the things that I won't say anywhere or anyway else.
Topic shift...
I have a belief: true forgiveness heals the heart of the FORGIVEN as well as the heart of the forgiver.
Too often people give forgiveness to alleviate their own pain and forget that there's another soul out there that needs the benefit of forgiveness as well. What good is it if the "sinner" doesn't know that they've been given a reprieve and can't reap the benefits of knowing that the pain they've caused has somehow been overcome?
It's time for me to share this philosophy with my mother. It's time I truly broke down the barriers and gave my mother the love and family that she deserves, despite her past conduct and missteps.
I'm finding that the forgiveness I have given up until now hasn't even truly healed me, let alone her. While I believed, self-righteously, that I had done my part...in fact, I have not. I know, there is a part of my heart that is still withered.
Isn't there someone out there you need to talk to as well?
