2005-10-24 - 11:54 a.m.
I'm feeling dead in my seat this morning.
I'm tired. I want to believe it was the weekend, but I think I have to admit that it's my age too. The mental strain of living with my son (he's not that bad, really), never ending home improvements, and Autumn yard clean-up all combined to kick my butt and I'm left feeling in need of caffeine.
Like a co-worker said, "Man, you clock out at work and then clock right back in." I feel like it's true sometimes. But there is something to be said for accomplishing "stuff". The house is really coming along and with each new project I can see it morphing into a place that reflects the personalities of the people that dwell within.
But I'm still wiped out.
"CONDITION BLUE...CONDITION BLUE..." The loud speakers rang out the familiar call and everyone on Osan Air Base, Korea knew what it meant; the base was under simulated attack again. We were in the middle of UFL (Ulchi Focus Lense) - one of the biggest exercises in the Pacific region. UFL takes place every year and involves the entire (South) Korean peninsula. US military members from all over the world come to Osan for the exercise dragging their luggage and what ever chemical protection gear they have.
For those stationed in Korea there were two bags - A "real-world" bag that was only to be opened in the event of a real-world scenario, and a training bag, which was used for exercises. I swear that both bags weighed about 400 lbs apiece. I can still remember the pain of trying to drag both these bags up the 1,000,000 stairs to the top of the hill where I worked, usually while nursing a serious hangover – I was unable to afford a taxicab, like some folks.
But on this day I was walking hands free, along with a co-worker, across the street and toward the hill when the alarm sounded. Actually, CONDITION BLUE had started before we left the building, which meant we were supposed to remain inside the building. For those of you who don't know - during an exercise you have...if memory serves...four conditions, two of which I can't remember, but I do remember BLUE (Under attack) and BLACK (Attack concluded). When attack is immanent, you're supposed to head inside, and when attack is taking place you're supposed to stay inside. If you're stuck outside during attack you're supposed to jump into a ditch and wait it out. Everyone is to remain in place until the attack is well over. When BLACK starts, after the attack, you’re supposed to get to safety as fast as possible and if you find any UXO’s (Unexploded Ordinance) you’re supposed to mark the area and inform someone who supposed to clean it up without dying.
Then there are the MOPP levels…these tell you what combination of chemical gear that you’re supposed to be wearing before, during, and after attack. I’m not getting into this with you; it’s just too much information.
Anyway…we’re walking across this street, during black, wearing our flack vests, helmets, and web belts (with canteen)…minding our own business…when this white pick-up truck pulls up and an exercise controller (referee) says, “Hey! What are you guys doing out walking around in condition BLUE!?”
I walk over, “We’re essential personnel and we’re headed to our place of duty.” I say with a look of authority on my Buck-sergeant face – knowing full well that we weren’t supposed to be outside WITHOUT a letter excusing us from exercise activity.
“Where’s you letter?” Of course he would ask this.
“I haven’t got one,” I say, thinking fast, “I don’t need one.”
“Why not,” The controller eyes me suspiciously.
I lean in and set my folded arms on the edge of the truck door, “I work for the Air INTELLIGENCE squadron. Now, if I told you where I was going and why – that wouldn’t be very good OPSEC (Operational Security) would it?”
“Uh…well…no? I guess not.” I could tell I had him.
“Alright then…we’ll just be on our way.”
That night there was a group of about fifteen of us walking back to the barracks, dressed in full MOPP (OK, I’ll explain). Full MOPP means: Uniform, chemical suit (pants and top), rubber over-boots, two sets of gloves (cotton and rubber), gas mask with hood, helmet, flack vest, web belt with canteen, and a load of assorted accouterments.
Suddenly (Dun dun DUH!!! As Brak would say), “CONDITION BLUE…CONDITION BLUE…”
We all dive into the closest building, which just happens to be the NCO Club (about 4 buildings away – heh heh). During CONDITION BLUE, whether inside or out, you must remain in appropriate MOPP. So, there we were…in the NCO club in full MOPP. What better thing to do than shots of Tequila, right? It goes something like:
1) Lift mask.
2) Lick.
3) Shoot.
4) Suck.
5) Repeat…15 times!
Fifteen shots later and WAY past condition BLUE, BLACK or any other condition (besides a drunken one) we stumbled back to the barracks. I ended up in the Day Room somehow and proceeded to pass out in a chair, in front of the TV…IN FULL MOPP.
The next day I get a knock on my helmet.
I pull the hot, rubber, tightly sealed mask away from my tequila stinking face (QUOOSHHHH) – it sounded like Darth Vader removing his helmet, but much smellier.
“What are you doing out here? Did you sleep out here?” My roommate says.
“Yeah…what AM I doing out here!? Why didn’t you drag me to the room?” I crab, through the stench.
“We couldn’t find you.” He say’s, innocently.
“Couldn’t FIND ME!? I’m in the DAY ROOM – how drunk were you?” Oh my head – I slept in full MOPP…helmet and mask (with hood).
“How drunk were YOU? You passed out in the day room.” Of course – schmack me with the obvious…bastard.
Ah, Korea…
