2005-11-28 - 6:51 a.m.
Do you recall the time that Rosanne Barr sang the National Anthem?
Sang (?)…rather, screamed the National Anthem. She delivered it in more or less an annoying, trailer-park yawp and caught the attention of a nation – it seemed like everyone was pissed about her rendition of our nation’s most patriotic of chords. I saw a little different though. To me, though sad, I felt her effort was apropos. I say “sad” because that’s how today’s America makes me feel…sad. Her voice conjured visions of Wal-Mart, McDonald’s, and dirty convenience stores. With each off-pitch scream I envisioned herds of conservative, right wing, sheep marching through the trailer parks and strip malls of our nation. Why do I bring this up now? I’m not sure – maybe Black Friday has something to do with it. Black Friday – the day a nation embarrasses itself. This is what we do as a nation…we conspicuously consume in mass quantities and give nary a thought to what we look like doing it, nor do we think of how it may be undermining the very fabric of our existence. We, as a nation, are like a severely obese person at an all-you-can-eat buffet, piling our plates to the ceiling with sloppy, greasy, none-substance-having grub. So, when an overweight Rosanne Barr peels off a white-trash version of the National Anthem I say, “Here, here Rosanne! You’ve hit the baby seal on the head!” My wife and I have been boycotting Wal-Mart, however; we put our convictions aside for an hour and visited the newest addition to the Wal-Mart empire – the largest Wal-Mart store on the Eastern coast of the United States. Our next-door-neighbor said that she spent 6 hours there, so we felt it was important to see what was so important about the latest garrison in Sam Walton’s capitalist army. In short…the same stuff, just loads more of it and in isles separated by greater space. Seriously, does one really need 5 acres of shit? I guess a farmer would say, “Why…yes.” But at least a farmer is growing something other than…more shit. We’re doomed.
